


Gavin: A Rediscovery of Heart

by maihimedemon, The_Twister



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Falling In Love, Grief/Mourning, Jack is dead, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Someone is already dead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2019-10-22 22:39:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17671454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maihimedemon/pseuds/maihimedemon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Twister/pseuds/The_Twister
Summary: Gavin tries to get over the tragic death of his husband: Jack. It has been countless years since it has happened but whenever his death date comes up then he's just a mess. This year something is different about it and Gavin worries everyone.





	1. January 31

**Author's Note:**

> Yo peeps! New story. New angst. This story is also posted on Wattpad by MaiDemonLord. The person who is the co-creator in this story. We will try and update often. It was supposed to be published on the dates in the story but we are like five days behind. For now enjoy this new chapter! <3 https://www.wattpad.com/story/177268504-gavin-a-rediscovery-of-heart

February was always a hard month for Gavin. Geoff knew why since Gavin had told him but none of the other fellas knew. He couldn't share with them even if he happened to be good friends with them. He had tried to share with Michael but all he did was ball his eyes out. Then he tried to share with Ryan but all the man did was pull him close and hug him. It seems he had known all along.   
  
Gavin stared at the date on his phone. January 31: that dreadful day that started his fourteen days of hell would start. He had tried to mentally prepare himself most years but it never worked out. He did know why it didn't work but it never hurt to try. He sighed deeply then locked his iPhone then set it face down on his desk.   
  
He stared at his computer screen that was completing a playthrough of a recording. It just happened to be on his wedding video and he swallowed the sob that almost escaped. He turned his computer off and gathered his things up. There was no reason to stay at the Achievement Hunter office longer than he should. February first was going to come if he liked it or not.   
  
He pushed the door open and glanced around the emptying parking lot. Either he could enjoy a pretty long walk home or go back inside to ask for a ride. He frowned some the patted all his pockets. He had his wallet, keys, and nothing. "Damn it, " Gavin grumbled. He had forgotten his phone. He glanced around the parking lot once more to see what Achievement Crew remained. It seemed Jeremy was still there with a few others.   
  
He bounced on his feet before making a noise and he went back inside. He went into the office as Jeremy yelled moonball. Immediately Gavin ducked out of the way and lunged towards his desk. He grabbed his phone and waited for the others to take a break before he'd ask for a ride. He didn't want to disturb them just yet since he was still trying to mentally prepare himself for February.   
  
"Hey Gav, thought you were leaving?" Jeremy's voice filtered into Gavin's crowded thoughts.   
  
"I forgot my phone and I…" Gavin trailed off while he looked down at his feet. He didn't notice that Jeremy walked up to him since his head was bowed.   
  
"And you?" Jeremy asked knowing what Gavin was going to say.    
  
"I need a-"   
  
"You need a ride home?"   
  
"Yes…"   
  
"You know you could just ask me but then again you hate asking people." Jeremy chuckled which made Gavin look up to see him right in front of him.   
  
"Bastard!" Gavin jumped back.   
  
"Come on, I'll take you home."   
  
Gavin took a few deep breaths then followed Jeremy to his car. He wondered if the other knew that he wouldn't show up for work tomorrow.   
  
Or in this case fourteen days…   
  
Gavin hurried into the car and buckled up as he watches Jeremy do the same before driving off.   
  
The whole car ride was quiet with music playing on the radio. Gavin looked out the window listening to the music which ended up being a mistake.   
  
A Thousand Years by Christina Perri was playing.   
  
Gavin's heart began to break; what's left of it, as tears started going down his face. He didn't notice that Jeremy had pulled over on the freeway trying to talk to him.   
  
"Gavin!" Jeremy yelled which soon made Gavin look at him. It was hard though as Gavin blinked the tears away. "What's wrong?" Jeremy asked as he turned off the radio. The action made Gavin calm down.   
  
"Nothing, just take me home."   
  
"Gav-"   
  
"Take me home please!" Gavin yelled as he started to cry harder.   
  
Jeremy said nothing as he turned his car back on then drove back onto the left lane on the freeway. Jeremy should've known this would happen. Around this time of the year was when Gavin acted like this. No one really knew why. He only remembers walking in on Michael and Gavin talking about something this time last year.   
  
-Flashback-   
  
Jeremy was wandering around the office when he saw Gavin crying his eyes out while Michael held him but look confused.   
  
"Dude Gav! You don't have to tell me! Every FUCKING time you try telling me. You cry, man!" Michael yelled while holding onto Gavin.   
  
"But I want to tell you!" Gavin cried back.   
  
"Come on Gav, you don't have to. How about after work I take you to get food."   
  
"Really, Michael? You don't even drive."   
  
"Yeah, that's why Ryan would take us!"   
  
Michael and Gavin both started to laugh a little while Ryan yelled hey from the background. Jeremy stood there wondering what that was about but he walked off back to his desk.   
  
-End of flashback-   
  
Gavin wasn't sure why but everything is always a blur after he remembers the past. Even if it was just a year ago or shorter than it. If he remembers anything relating to Jack then his mind gets fuzzy and the world goes static. Even if people yell at him he can't hear them because he's stuck in the past. A past that he'd rather not relive anymore but the trauma was too great to get help. He couldn't even talk about Jack.   
  
Jeremy had been trying to get his attention for the last five minutes. Nothing was working though as Gavin's eyes stared straight forward and they were dull. "Gavin!" Jeremy yelled and snapped his fingers in front of the other. He got no reaction though and he frowned. Either he shakes Gavin and has the chance the other will freak out or just wait it out.   
  
He chose to wait. It's not like he really had anything else to do. He was just gonna go home and play video games probably. Also, stream on his twitch channel most likely. He turned his car off and leaned back in his seat. Then he looked to the side at Gavin. The other was clearly in distraught but he couldn't help him. Hell, no one could.   
  
He shook his head to that since Ryan usually does. He tried to ask the man what he does to distract Gavin but all Ryan did was hush him. "Nothing really. Just a few hand tricks to make him forget things, " he'd always say to Jeremy. It pissed Jeremy off all the time because he just wanted to help Gavin but Ryan was always a cryptic asshole to him!   
  
Jeremy groaned and leaned forward on the steering wheel as he took a deep breath. Thinking about Ryan with Gavin always set Jeremy on edge. He felt like his battle buddy did things he wasn't supposed to with Gavin's fragile state of mind. Though it did seem Gavin was better after interactions with him. Jeremy just didn't trust Ryan fully enough with Gavin. It was probably because Jeremy cared for Gavin. Cared for a Gavin a lot more than he'd like.   
  
"Wot...?" Gavin mumbled and glanced around. His gaze fell on Jeremy and he got more confused. "What's happening Lil J?" He asked him.   
  
Jeremy jolted to attention when Gavin said his name. "Oh, you fell into one of your trances so I just waited for you to come out of it. Because I know you get violent if someone shakes you out of one and I didn't want to do that to you. I am sure you've had a long enough day already." Jeremy explained.   
  
Gavin blinked and thought it over. He must have had a flashback and those usually leave him in a state of spacing out for a while. "Sorry for burdening you. Thank you for the ride though. I'll see you at work." Gavin rushed to get out of Jeremy's car. He was embarrassed he stayed in there for so long anyway. He hadn't meant to have a flashback.   
  
Jeremy wanted to tell Gavin it was okay but the other shut the door in his face. "Well, that went well... Fuck..." Jeremy grumbled and leaned back in his seat again. He just wasn't sure in how he'd confess his feelings to Gavin.   
  
Gavin didn't look back as he made his way towards the front door of his place. He took his keys out of his front pocket as he slowly opened the front door. He then took a deep breath then let out a shaky breath. Tomorrow was the day that Gavin would leave everything behind for fourteen days. To get away from all the pain and suffering he endured.   
  
Gavin slams the door closed as he threw his keys and phone onto the couch. He made his way towards his bedroom door since he couldn't spend any more time in this god damn house. So, he went into the guest room to pack. Ever since Jack died, he refused to sleep in the master bedroom. He even got new clothes since he won't and can't step foot in the room. He hasn't touched the room since that day.   
  
Once Gavin stepped into the room, he went straight into his closet. He grabbed all of his clothes with hangers then threw them all onto the bed. He quickly moves to the other side of his room near his dresser. Next to it was his suitcase which he kept there for these kinds of situations. He grabbed it and threw it next to his pile of clothes.   
  
Gavin opens the suitcase as quickly as possible. Then once he got it open he started to pull the clothes off of the hangers then tossed the clothes into the suitcase. After he was done, he moved over to his dresser to grab all his socks and underwear then folded them with his other clothes.   
  
Once Gavin was done with his packing, he ran to the living room to grab his phone from the couch. He sent Geoff a text about not going to work and to book his flight and hotel to anywhere. Once the text was sent, he rushed to his room and didn't care that the hangers were on his bed. He jumps onto the bed and passes out the moment his head hits the pillow.


	2. February 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin is on his first day toward the anniversary and it's getting harder by the second.

It was two in the morning when Gavin's phone was going off. He slowly reached his hand over to where his phone had been toss onto his bed. Which he doesn't remember doing but then again he didn't really care. He saw the ID number which made him smile but only a little.

_"Yo Gav! I gave Geoff your passport and backpack that you left here for when you have to fly somewhere. He also told me to call you and to tell you that he'll be there by three. Which is in an hour by the way. He is going to get you and take you to the airport."_

"Thanks, Micheal! I really appreciate your help!"

_"No problem, just remind me to redo your bag when you return again."_

"Thanks-"

_"Now go get ready! You now have less than an hour to get ready, jackass! Make sure to call or I'll fly my ass out there to make sure that you're okay! I may not know why you do this every year but I'm here to help. I'm not leaving you just waiting in the wind!"_

Gavin heard a click as his phone dropped onto the mattress. He felt tears go down his face but he was happy to have such good friends. Micheal may not know what's happening but he's a good friend. It made Gavin wipe his tears away while he went to get out of bed.

"Time to get ready."

Getting ready wasn't all too hard since it hadn't taken Gavin long. He showered in less than ten minutes then brushed his teeth. He knew Geoff always got him breakfast when he picked him up so he decided not to eat. He was sitting on the couch while putting on his shoes when Geoff knocked on his door. Gavin stood up and answered the door to a disheveled Geoff.

"You ready?" Geoff asked as he barely suppressed his yawn.

Gavin nodded his head. He grabbed his phone and headphones to follow Geoff out of the house. He didn't think the ride there would be much talking since there never actually was. It was too early in the morning for both of them. He settled into his seat as Geoff did the same in the drivers. Gavin went to distract himself with his phone when the car started. He hoped he didn't have to talk since it was always hard to.

Geoff began to drive to the airport and Gavin leaned back in his seat. Outside looked nice so far but the air was cold. Gavin was happy that Geoff always put the heater on in the early morning like this. He tapped his fingers against his thighs as trees and houses passed by. He went back on his phone then Geoff cleared his throat.

"Make sure you stay in contact with at least one person, Gav. I remember the one year you didn't and everyone freaked out. We only knew you were okay because you came back. I beg of you not to do that again." Geoff pleaded as he turned. "Just stay in a clear headspace or try to and keep in contact with people. I know it'll be hard but you have to try." Geoff told him as he glanced at Gavin then the road.

Gavin sighed as he expected this talk would happen. It did at an unexpected time but he was okay to answer. "Okay got it, Geoff. I'll try not to make people worry about me this trip. Promise." Gavin told him.

Though he figured this time around that wouldn't be the case. He'd probably break his promise somehow and cause everyone to freak out. Though he was sure he could stay in contact but the days always had a different outcome. The closer it got to the date Gavin experienced different things and he hated it.

It could either be negative or positive but it was almost always negative. He didn't know he had spaced out until Geoff shouted his name and it jolted him out of his thoughts.

"Dumbass..." Geoff huffed. "Gavin, we are here. Let's go get you something to eat then I'll walk you to your gate." Geoff told him. Geoff got out of the car as Gavin took a deep breath.

Day one was already off to a rocky start. Gavin hadn't gotten much sleep considering he had a nightmare. He didn't even want to think about it let alone talk about it. He got out of the car and went to walk towards the back of the car. Geoff was getting his suitcase out and Geoff handed Gavin his stuff.

"This time you won't need your passport but you can take it just in case. I just booked you a place in the country this time. Sure, it's cold there also but you should be fine." Geoff explained as he went to lead Gavin to a restaurant nearby.

They had about two hours before Gavin's plane departed so a sit-down breakfast wasn't out of the question. Gavin actually always looked forward to these. Only because Geoff distracted him by talking about upcoming projects they have. But first, they always checked Gavin's bag in and he carried his carry on bag with him. It had an array of things to do in it for the flight.

"Ready buddy?" Geoff asked Gavin after they checked in his bag. Gavin nodded to the other and Geoff smiled. Breakfast was going to be good this time around.

After breakfast, Gavin watched Geoff wave bye to him while he went to board his plane. After finding his seat, Gavin sat down to stare out the window. He enjoyed getting the window seat and today was his lucky day. He doesn't have anyone sitting by him thanks to Geoff who got him a first-class seat. Also made sure Gavin got his own seat.

Not only that but Gavin felt safe knowing he's in the front of the plane. Gavin put headphones in to watch a movie all the way to LA. It's only around a four-hour plane trip so maybe two movies and a nap will do. Gavin soon closed his eyes to relax but ended up falling asleep.

* * *

**_"Yo Gav!"_ **

**_Gavin looks over at Jack who was running towards him with a picnic basket in his hands._ **

**_Gavin laughed while he went to walk ahead on the sand._ **

**_"Gav! Wait up! We're supposed to be on a date together!"_ **

**_"Not my fault you took too long getting out of the car!" Gavin yelled while running farther ahead._ **

**_"No fair! I got food!"_ **

**_"And I got the blanket!" Gavin yelled while the blanket was wrapped around him like a cape._ **

**_"Damn it, Gav! If we weren't running right now! I would so take a picture of you!"_ **

**_"Come and try to catch me then you can have your picture!"_ **

**_Jack huffed but ran faster to catch up to Gavin._ **

**_"Gavin..."_ **

**_Gavin stopped running to look up at the pier to see a shadowy figure. Gavin then turns back to see that he was now all alone on the beach._ **

**_"Jack?!" Gavin screams but looks back to see Jeremy instead of the shadowy figure._ **

**_"Jeremy?"_ **

**_"Why won't you-"_ **

* * *

"Sir, it's time to wake up."

Gavin opened up his eyes to see a young lady smiling at him.

"Sir, you have arrived."

Gavin thanked the nice lady before getting his stuff and quickly getting off the plane.

Once Gavin got his suitcase and the rest of his things. He quickly went to his uber that was waiting for him. In the car, Gavin leaned against the window trying to get the dream out of his mind.

Why was Jeremy in his dream?

Gavin said nothing to the driver as he just stared out the window while zoning out. Only time Gavin noticed the car stop was when the driver got to his place.

"Thank you, sir."

Gavin got his stuff and made it towards the fence. He opens the small fence door before walking towards the front door.

The house was a one-story house with a pool and hot tub on the deck. Inside the house was a moderate-sized kitchen and living room. It had one bedroom and two baths. There was a guest room but end up being turned into a game room, so it wasn't a guest room anymore. Since Gavin doesn't need an extra room.

Gavin spends the next hour unpacking and going over what food he needs to buy. Which reminded him to check the fridge. Sometimes, Geoff, has someone come over and fill up the fridge for him wherever he goes. Geoff always finds ways to help Gavin.

Once Gavin made his way to the kitchen. He opens the fridge and saw it full of food. With a note on the outside of the fridge saying.

Filled the fridge up this morning for you. -Geoff

It made Gavin smile a little since he knew people took care of him. Gavin soon ended up frowning though since he also hates that people have to take care of him. He slammed the fridge door shut then jumped at his phone going off.

It was Micheal's ringtone.

"Should I ignore him or should I not?"

The ringtone ended which Gavin quickly took his phone out to call Micheal back.

"Shit! Please answer! I didn't mean to-"

_"Gav! Thank god you called back right away! I was about to come out there, dude!"_

_"Micheal give Gavin a break. He just barely got there today. Let him get settled in. Sorry, Gavin, I told him to call you later tonight."_

Gavin smiled a little knowing Ryan is there to calm Micheal down. Before Gavin could respond he heard fighting going on.

_"Ryan! Give me back the phone asshole!"_

_"No!"_

_"Ryan!"_

_"Sorry Gavin, I'll have him call you back later. Have fun and be safe."_

Gavin blinked when Ryan hung up. "I didn't even get to say a word to them." He grumbled.

Gavin glanced outside after the call and put his hand on the dresser that was near the front door. He felt like every year without Jack was going to get harder and harder because he had loved that man. Hell, he had wanted to try and get himself out there but he just couldn't do it. It took too much effort.

He turned around and faced the kitchen. He really should make himself something to eat since he was hungry. His energy levels were also depleted though because of that weird dream he ended up having. Why would Jeremy of all people be in his dreams? He didn't understand.

Gavin shook his head to get the dream out of his head and he sighed. He took a deep breath then willed himself to make something small.

Something small usually meant one serving of a meal. Like pasta with some veggies and meat or a hamburger. Either way, it took a while for Gavin to cook it and by the time he was done then the sun had set. He looked outside again to see the darkness and sighed for the tenth time that day.

Hopefully, he could eat then take a quick walk outside with his flashlight. He needed fresh air since he was just going from vehicle to vehicle and he wanted to walk around in nature for a while.

He got on his phone while eating to distract himself from the events today and he hummed.

Things seemed to be going well for now but he knew the days closer to the anniversary would be harder. For now, he was fine though. He could function properly and actually answer calls. He could eat food himself and get out of bed then could shower. He was his own person.

He stood up after eating and put his bowl in the sink as he looked out the window again. He wanted to go for a walk to get fresh air but he was tired from the plane ride. He wanted to hit the hay then go our the next day but he knew it was a sign of him not wanting to do anything.

He sighed deeply to his own thoughts then grabbed a jacket from his suitcase. The night may be warm for now but when the sun would set fully than he would need a jacket.

He stepped outside and breathed in the scent of the damp forest. The cabin was in a nice alcove of trees and he really couldn't see the road. The noise level wasn't loud either though Los Angeles had noise everywhere.

He smiled as he took a nice stroll for a while as he let his mind wander a bit too far. He hadn't thought Jack's death was his own fault in the past but sometimes when he took a vacation to the pertaining days then it swirled his thoughts. That maybe he could have done something differently or saved Jack somehow.

Gavin hadn't been paying attention to where his feet were going and he tripped over a root. He yelped out in surprise and landed hard on the ground. He gasped for air and groaned to the pain spreading throughout his abdomen. He sighed and figured something like this would happen. He slowly went to pick himself back up and dusted himself off.

He went to feel if his face had something on it but felt the water. He blinked and realized he had been crying the whole time his thoughts were swirling.

Gavin cursed as he wiped at the tears and stomped back to the cabin. He needed sleep before he fell deeper into his void. If he did then he wouldn't be able to function the rest of this damn trip.

He walked in as he slammed the door open then shut as he walked to the bedroom. Everything had been unpacked and put away with his suitcase in the corner. He stared at it and wondered if he could truly stay at this cabin the whole time without going stir crazy. Gavin shook his head then groaned. He couldn't think about that right now!

Right now he needed to go to bed. He stripped down and got some pajama pants on. He then climbed into bed with a deep sigh so when his head hit the pillow he then fell into a deep slumber. Hopefully, he rested well and didn't have a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be updated with the month but we both got caught up in life.


End file.
